Her 'Dangerous woman' era

She is entering her ‘Dangerous woman ‘ era Her current icon is Yellowstone’s Beth Dutton. In the last 2 years names like Joan Didion, Eve Babits, Nora Ephron and Shirley Jackson have come onto her radar. At first there was a sadness that she hadn’t discovered them in the 20’s. how fierce a creature she could have been armed with the words of these goddesses? But perhaps, perhaps, they were waiting for her to be ready?

Because to be a dangerous woman is to have lived a bit

She arms herself with a fringed kaftan and heany eyeliner. Part witch, part gypsy . All out of fucks

This isn’t to say she doesn’t care, she cares deeply. But she knows to care about anything and everything is impossible.

She’s learnt to protect herself from burnout. Putting her oxygen mask on first in order to help others.

She doesn’t concern herself with is the unsolicited opinions of strangers

She rarely reads the comments at the bottom of her latest post. She writes for herself. if others like it, that's great, but ultimately unimportant.

The Dangerous Woman has been down. Brought down lower than her younger self would ever have believed possible- Yet she persists, More than that, she thrives.

She had conquered the enemy within and made peace with herself.

She has lived through deep, deep depression. Her mind whispering each morning that there is nothing, nothing for her to go on for. But she persisted, day by day, week by week, month by month. The little voice still there, but wrong, she learnt. She persisted.

She knows her mind now. She sees the black dog approaching. Sometimes he comes to stay a while. But she knows how to live with him now, and she knows his visits are not forever.

She knows her body now. She has been unkind to if for a long time. And yet it persists. In her fourth decade, she is learning to make peace with it. At her most unwell, she has been two stone lighter than her current weight. in between pregnancies she has been 2 stone heavier. She is on the lower range for her BMI but she is very petite too. She will probably always worry a little too much about being skinny, but she can make peace with that. There is an argument to be made that it more unhealthy to have a complete disregard for one’s weight.

Her body shape has settled, she’s the same size now as she was 20 years ago. The clothes she buys now she intends to be wearing for another 20 years. All the more reason to buy less, but buy quality.

No fancy AI apps are needed to tell her what her ‘colours’ ar . She wears very little make up , but when she does it’s to accentuate, to be playful, not as a mask to hide behind. Her hair has been every shade from almost black to pink-platinum. But it tends to go back to a lighter mousy blond. A natural canvas on which most colours work.

She acquires more freckles every year. Her Daughter was born with the perfect smattering across her nose and cheeks. She tells her this is where he angels kissed her when she was sleeping. Perhaps the angels never stop kissing us?

In short , the dangerous woman has lived. She’s been up, she/s been down. She’s learnt the rules and she learnt when to break them . And best of all ? the older she gets, the more dangerous she becomes.